Space Sucks – Here is Why

I was born in the late 1970s. Growing up I’ve always had a love for sci-fi. From the cheesy sci-fi flicks, you’d catch on TV all the way to your legendary epic ones like Star Wars and Star Trek I’ve loved them all.  One thing these movies have done for me is made space out to be pretty glamorous. Let’s face it we’ve been lied to. Space might be cool but it’s absolutely nothing like what we see on TV. So, it would only go to figure it’s nothing like what we imagined it to be.  Recently while I was blazing a fatty and enjoying my cup of morning java I decided to read something a little bit different than my normal cannabis news.

Something this particular morning sparked my interest in an article about space. Bread a substance I personally love the shit out of is banned for 50 years in space. There’s a shortage of weed in outer space too. Did you know a free-floating crumb can kill you, and you have to drink your own pee? Did I mention there’s no oxygen, no food and there’s no drinkable water there? None of the basic essentials for life except for what you bring with you or what’s delivered.  Oh yeah, and to get there you have to strap yourself to a rocket packed full of a highly flammable and explosive substance, ignite the fucker and project your ass to the stars?

This is space. Who in the actual fuck wants to go there? Did I miss something? This is why I or anyone else like me could never be an astronaut.  Growing up as a young boy like so many others the dream of being an astronaut floated through my mind. I always heard there was a stringent set of testing required in order to determine if you had what it takes to be an astronaut. I fully know now without a doubt in my mind I absolutely fucking had zero of what it would take to do that shit.

Big props to those who have what it takes to two strap their ass to a giant explosive rocket like the coyote chasing the roadrunner and then make it past the hurdles of a 50-year ban on bread, dodging free floating crumbs, and drinking their own urine. Can we get these people a water cooler already! What about some bread? Damn, even space food sucks! I’ve had that shit they call ice cream and you better be really fuckin stoned with nothing else sweet to eat, to eat that shit! Or feel really adventurous!  Maybe I’m just really overthinking things and am a little super stoned this morning. What’re your thoughts?

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